It has been my practice as a pastor when I meet with a couple who are preparing to get married. My first question to them has always been, “Why do you want to get married?” Almost 9 out of 10 of them were unable to answer the question. At first, they would misunderstand my question and think that I am asking them why they chose to marry their partner. So they proceed to describe the most desirable trait in their partner.
Gen 1:18 The Lord God said It is not good for The man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
“not good for a man to be alone” is often interpreted as loneliness. When looked this way, marriage becomes away of escape from loneliness. ironically, many lonely people in this world are married. Studies indicate that roughly 20% of the general population suffers from chronic loneliness at any given time and 62.5% of people who reported being lonely were married and living with their partner. Loneliness in marriage often happens slowly, as the disconnection we feel from our spouse gradually increases over years. At some point discussions about mutual interests, world events, and goals and dreams cease entirely and conversations become purely transactional- “We need milk,” “Your mother called” or “Did you remember to pay the bills?” – or focused exclusively on parenting. There is one thing worse than a miserable lonely, single person, it’s a miserable lonely, married person. Marriage does not cure loneliness and neither was it meant to.
There are women who just want to have babies and there are men who just want to have sex. They Make a perfect couple, dont you think?
Did you get married just to have babies ?
Did you get married only for the sex?
Before you cower in quilt answer This question :
Now that you have those babies and The sex what are you going to do?
Having babies is God-honoring because it fuills His first mandate to Mankind: be fruitful and multiply. But the mandate does not end there. It goes on to say: fill the earth and subdue it. It means To rule and govern it. As heaven is God’s domain, earth is Man’s domain.
Psa 115:16 “The highest heavens belong to The lord, but The earth he has given to Mankind.”
When God looked at Adam, after he had created him, he saw That he alone could not begin to fulfill the Mandate. A man cannot reproduce by himself (although a woman can). This was why God said that it is not good for the man to be alone. “Good” is always in reference to God’s will. Likewise, Romans 8 tells us that all things work together for God to those who love him and are called according to his will.
In order for the man to fulfill God’s Mandate he needed not another man but a woman. And so God made a helper suitable for him. Herein lies a biblical principle: a wife is a man’s God-given assistant. So in choosing a wife, a man is really choosing a suitable helper. In the context of business, an entrepreneur may be looking for a business partner. Not just someone who will invest in the business but also have a complementary skill set necessary to make the business successful. But before every thing else, he must answer the question, “What is the nature of your business?” The same must happen in marriage. Every marriage is a partnership for the purpose of fulfilling a mission. But is that mission?
Sadly many couples, in particular men, have no idea what their mission is and consequently they base their choice of a spouse on compatible personalities, common interests, profession, income and other trivial things.
Most of us do not naturally think about our lives in terms of a mission to accomplish. We have our parents to thank because as early as 3 or 5 they asked us “What do you want to be when you grow up?” As a result we have equated our jobs with our identity. Then, when we grow up, we ask one another, “What do you do?”
Paul, in Ephesians 2:10, tells us that God created us for “good works”. I am inclined to believe that God has specific good works in mind for each one of us to accomplish. His purpose and plan for us are as unique as our individual fingerprints.
There is something interesting about verse 10. Do you know what it is?
Verse 10 follows verses 8 and 9 which speaks about our redemption through faith in Christ. Redemption is indispensable in the uncovering of God’s will for our lives. The Bible tells us that we are all sinners and sinners are hostile towards God. How can God reveal his will to us if we are hostile towards him, even if he wanted to? But when we are willing to admit our sinfulness and accept his means of reconciliation, we will be in a better position to receive from him.